Thursday, September 18, 2014

My Glass Box

I was a Pastor's kid. Technically, I still am. Although where I live now no one really knows. But for many years everyone knew. What's more, I was homeschooled. For a few of my "preteen" years I didn't rebel as much as I questioned why I had to live in what daddy called the "glass box." It seemed that everyone watched my every action all the time. If anyone didn't completely 100% approve my line of action, they told me and my parents. I was a good child. I wanted people to like me, but what kid likes having a couple hundred parents? None. Nada. That was me, Katy Brown with a bunch of people making sure I acted good all the time. While their kids ran wild, they told me what I should and shouldn't do. If I ever said something that sounded dumb (which happened sometimes), inevitably someone chuckled and huffed, "She is a homeschooler." If I said something too smart and mature (which also happened occasionally), I still got the, "She's just a homeschooler." Couldn't win to save my life. On the other hand, if I gave my opinion too strongly, someone would roll their eyes and say, "She is a pastor's kid after all. Trying to be difficult." It was as though I had some disease. A double disease - as if one wasn't bad enough. Some of the children around me were afraid to say or do anything too "worldly" or I would probably "mess up all their fun." But the best was youth. Yes, sitting on the front row in youth class when our church still had a youth program and trying to remind myself as a 12-year-old to not answer all the questions or I would look like a dork. Of course there were usually about three empty seats on either side of me.

I guess I sound whiny, because I was whiny... until I realized that it just doesn't matter. For one thing, I found that it was absolutely impossible to please everyone and second of all, I found that the only One who mattered pleasing deserved being pleased regardless of whether I was a pastor's kid or a homeschooler. 

There I stood in my glass box and you know what? I was okay with it. Why should it bother me anyway? Was I trying to sneak around in disobedience... no. Was I wanting to keep my actions a secret so people couldn't see the "real" me? No. So it didn't matter. If it bothered people, it bothered them. If people wanted to press their noses up against the glass and inspect my every move, fine. I didn't care, because it wouldn't change one iota of what I was doing. If I pleased God, then it mattered not if man was pleased. 

As Christians, we are all in a glass box. The world inspects us and takes note of what we say and do. We are "Jesus" to the world around us. It shouldn't bother you that people examine your life. If it does then you should question whether or not you are truly following Jesus. None of us are perfect and we will all stumble and there will be those who point it out and remind us that they are watching, but when we stand back up, say "I'm sorry" with true remorse and move on, we are rising above. 

So Windex those glass walls and don't let it bother you when people look in on your life. The truth is, they are probably looking for a role model. Be one that they can imitate and draw closer to God through. Your life may very well touch someone else's. Goodness, I wrote a whole book about myself. The good, bad and ugly. When I opened the freshly printed page of one of my new books, I momentarily panicked, realizing I had actually let the most broken, crooked pieces of my heart show on those pages. I had bared it all, because God had told me to so that perhaps one person might come closer to Jesus. It was all for Him. 

I can't complain about my glass box. It's actually a good place to be!


1 Peter 2:21

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps.

Ephesians 5:1-2
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.