The Ups and Downs

It's been a while friends. It's been a busy month and half. Has it really been that long? Well, I have too many "blog ideas" to choose one. I'll just share all that's happened.

Life is a journey. It's a calm, nearly boring stroll sometimes and other times it is a hectic run. Some days we "smell the roses" and other days we feel like stomping them. It's a journey. 

For months I was strolling through a long "waiting" section of my life. I wanted a baby... Why? I know I'm "young" and have plenty of time, but that doesn't matter. I wanted a baby because I've always wanted a baby. I absolutely believe that children are always a blessing for the Lord. I felt for a long time like God was holding out on my "blessing." Long story short, through many months and prayers, I arrived at a place in my life where I came to realize something that should be fairly obvious to me: God isn't mean. Sounds crazy, I know. Why would I even have to admit such a thing? Well, because when God makes it clear that something is "good" and He is the Giver of it and He doesn't give it... it just seems wrong. In my little, itsy mind I didn't get it. I didn't understand. 

It's so simple really. Just because something is "good" and a "reward" doesn't mean it's meant for you that very second or even in the way that you imagined. I would say that God gave me a baby as soon as I realized that. He didn't. We still waited. 

Just at His proper time, He allowed me to get pregnant. Here I am, expecting our baby. We are beyond thrilled and overjoyed at the miracle. It is a gift I will never take for granted, because I will always remember waiting. 

But the journey of life... it continues. We went home for the weekend. I turned 20-years-old on Saturday, April 19th. My family made my birthday wonderful and memorable. Easter was the following day. Church on Sunday at Mt. Pleasant was better than I could have imagined. All of my morning queazies went away when I sang and listened to the music and Dad preach. My heart ached a bit though and I wondered why I can't go there every Sunday. It's home and where my roots run.

We drove home late on Easter night and I cried softly as I held a letter Clara had given to Josh to give to me before we left. Her neat handwriting simply stated how much she loves me and how glad she is that I am her sister. 

Before we had left, we stood out in the driveway and circled into a huddle. Andrew always wants to stand in the middle, surrounded by us. Daddy prayed as the wind whipped around us and the sun gleamed through the tops of the trees. I opened my eyes briefly and Andrew was looking up at me, smiling happily. Not a worry. I smiled back and tried to let the image of that moment sink into my memory. 

Now I sit here in my house wondering how it's been so long since I blogged. The chapters of my book are pulled up behind this post, waiting to be edited and reminding me that they're due very soon. 

The sink is full, the floor is dirty and I am too sick to clean it all up, but Josh will help me... even when I can't cook supper and I will thank him again. He'll smile and say, "Sure, no problem."

This has been random, I know. I guess it is the best way to sum up the last several weeks though.

There have been some of the highest highs and some deep lows on this ride, but like my Daddy says, "All is well; the tomb is empty." Jesus is alive. 

Whatever good or bad you face... or if you sit by the side, waiting on an answer, I remind you to trust. Believe that God is good, because He always has been. 


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