Just Everyday Cold March
It's been months since I've posted a blog post! I've missed it. But what do they say? Life slows down for no one? Well, it’s the truth. Especially these days. I feel like the last year has been on fast-forward (for those of you born before 2005, you may know what "fast-forward" is). The days are very slow, but the months don't even give me a chance to look around and smell the roses. Not that there have been ANY literal roses lately. Hello, spring? There have been lots of metaphorical roses though. My girls. They grow at least a few millimeters a day. I can tell by the lines on the doorframe when they ask to see how tall they are now. It makes me equally happy and sad all at once. I never took into consideration that when my parents did they same with me that perhaps they felt a slight sting at each milestone... each inch we grew.
Here we are in March - almost April - but still very much winter for a North Carolina March. I'm living life as a mom and wife and yet also learning how to still be a little bit just me. I have a habit of giving everything I have in everything I do until Katy is gone and there is just a washed up mess with no energy and lots of anxiety and self-questioning. God is good to remind me that at the end of the day, I answer to Him only and if you handle every task and still when it's all done can't feel the joy of it all, what good is it all? I've struggled with anxiety since I was a little kid. If you've ever read my book "The Unbroken Road" you may remember my story. Even to this day, many years after my salvation and a few years into adulthood, I still struggle with anxiety from time to time. It's something as a Christian I have felt that I should get "better" from... pray harder, read the Bible more, serve others better and though those things make all the difference in the world... this is still EARTH and on earth we will always struggle with the flesh and all that comes with it. It doesn't give me an excuse to wallow and not seek God, which of course we must do, but God doesn't condemn us for acknowledging these burdens (in fact that is where help begins to come). Much of those burdens for me personally are onset by my PCOS and the hormonal imbalances that have also caused issues physically. Diseases both physically and mentally are rampant here on earth. If you're breathing and have lived at all, you know that as well as I do. If you are with me in such battles, know I pray for you. I try to follow Paul in that. Lord knows he carried enough burdens for an army in the New Testament, but all that God accomplished through him was worth it. After all, at the end of the day, it is not about how we feel so much as it is that the glory is still given to God through it all. And in that moment when we see it was never about us anyway, fresh breath comes.
So that was a ramble, but I knew once I started typing that SOMETHING would come out. It usually does.
I hope you have a beautiful day. I look forward to the next time I'm on here to share more of my story and journey. Till next time. Thanks for reading.