Just Everyday Cold March
It's been months since I've posted a blog post!
I've missed it. But what do they say? Life slows down for no one? Well, it’s
the truth. Especially these days. I feel like the last year has been on
fast-forward (for those of you born before 2005, you may know what
"fast-forward" is). The days are very slow, but the months don't even
give me a chance to look around and smell the roses. Not that there have been
ANY literal roses lately. Hello, spring? There have been lots of metaphorical
roses though. My girls. They grow at least a few millimeters a day. I can tell
by the lines on the doorframe when they ask to see how tall they are now. It
makes me equally happy and sad all at once. I never took into consideration
that when my parents did they same with me that perhaps they felt a slight
sting at each milestone... each inch we grew.
Here we are in March - almost April - but still
very much winter for a North Carolina March. I'm living life as a mom and wife
and yet also learning how to still be a little bit just me. I have a habit of
giving everything I have in everything I do until Katy is gone and there is just a washed up mess with no energy and lots of anxiety and self-questioning. God is good to remind
me that at the end of the day, I answer to Him only and if you handle every
task and still when it's all done can't feel the joy of it all, what good is it all? I've struggled with
anxiety since I was a little kid. If you've ever read my book "The
Unbroken Road" you may remember my story. Even to this day, many years
after my salvation and a few years into adulthood, I still struggle with
anxiety from time to time. It's something as a Christian I have felt that I should get
"better" from... pray harder, read the Bible more, serve others
better and though those things make all the difference in the world... this is
still EARTH and on earth we will always struggle with the flesh and all that
comes with it. It doesn't give me an excuse to wallow and not seek God, which
of course we must do, but God doesn't condemn us for acknowledging these
burdens (in fact that is where help begins to come). Much of those burdens for
me personally are onset by my PCOS and the hormonal imbalances that have also
caused issues physically. Diseases both physically and mentally are rampant
here on earth. If you're breathing and have lived at all, you know that as well
as I do. If you are with me in such battles, know I pray for you. I try to
follow Paul in that. Lord knows he carried enough burdens for an army in the
New Testament, but all that God accomplished through him was worth it. After
all, at the end of the day, it is not about how we feel so much as it is
that the glory is still given to God through it all. And in that moment when we
see it was never about us anyway, fresh breath comes.
So that was a ramble, but I knew once I started
typing that SOMETHING would come out. It usually does.
I hope you have a beautiful day. I look forward to
the next time I'm on here to share more of my story and journey. Till next
time. Thanks for reading.
Katy
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