No Matter What
I am so ready to go to Mexico and Texas this Saturday! I am excited every year, but this year I am thrilled. I think part of the reason is because I am ready to do something big again. Something with other believers.
I won't lie. I have missed singing. I have missed acting. I have missed playing the piano with the drum beat behind me and other instruments all around me. I have missed being surrounded by an atmosphere of get up and go. A place of doing for Jesus.
Yet, I know the truth. I know that I don't have to be surrounded with it, to still be doing it. I know that. But it's just tough. It's lonely.
It's a military base, friends. And Satan would have me believe that I'm useless here. That there are hundreds of people around me who don't get it and I can't fix it. The truth is that saying these people are southern-hospitality-friendliness would be a lie through my teeth. But since when are those kind of people the only ones who deserve my kind compassion and my love? They aren't.
These people can turn the other direction when I walk by, they can say I am an 18 (19 in 9 days) clueless kid who doesn't know anything about life and... they may be right. HOWEVER. I know about Jesus. I know that they don't know Him. And I know that they need to. And... it's on my shoulders to tell them.
Lord, that is a big responsibility.
Then to add on.... right now I'm a little -a lot- anxious. I am afraid that my husband is going to be deployed for 6-7 months this summer to Afghanistan. Women come up to me and say, "Oh, I could NEVER deal with my husband being gone that long. Kudos to you!"
Well, sisters, neither can I. I am not "one of those women" who can just deal with it. I am one of those wives who doesn't think she can stand her husband being gone for all of that time. It makes me sick. It makes me literally light-headed. I just keep thinking that I don't want to be alone on our first anniversary... and what if this and that.
BUT. I am going to Texas and Mexico in a few days. I will look into the brown faces of other women who deal with their own struggles, their own hardships and I will tell them:
Jesus is your rock. He will help you. God has a plan and it is perfect.
Somehow, Katy, you have to believe that too.
31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32
Jesus said this to those who believed in Him. These people already knew Jesus, but Jesus told them that they would be "set free."
I want to be set free. Free from a culture that tells Christians to lay low. Free from a fear that entraps my mind. Jesus may have our hearts, but Satan likes to have our minds.
I don't have all the answers. To be honest, this blog post isn't ending how I anticipated it would. I was going to end it with, "So now I am leaving on a mission trip so I can be free and leave this 'world.'"
I should be ashamed, because the work is all around me. For heaven's sake, it is in me. Yes, I will be thankful for a change in scenery and a boost of evangelism. But may I not forget that mission trips don't make us free in Christ, nor do church services or any other things. We must CHOOSE to be free. To let Jesus free us.
With that said. I am excited about serving Jesus this coming week.... and all those weeks that lay beyond. Jesus, help me type it cause I only want to say it if I mean it..... I will be excited about serving You no. matter. what.
I won't lie. I have missed singing. I have missed acting. I have missed playing the piano with the drum beat behind me and other instruments all around me. I have missed being surrounded by an atmosphere of get up and go. A place of doing for Jesus.
Yet, I know the truth. I know that I don't have to be surrounded with it, to still be doing it. I know that. But it's just tough. It's lonely.
It's a military base, friends. And Satan would have me believe that I'm useless here. That there are hundreds of people around me who don't get it and I can't fix it. The truth is that saying these people are southern-hospitality-friendliness would be a lie through my teeth. But since when are those kind of people the only ones who deserve my kind compassion and my love? They aren't.
These people can turn the other direction when I walk by, they can say I am an 18 (19 in 9 days) clueless kid who doesn't know anything about life and... they may be right. HOWEVER. I know about Jesus. I know that they don't know Him. And I know that they need to. And... it's on my shoulders to tell them.
Lord, that is a big responsibility.
Then to add on.... right now I'm a little -a lot- anxious. I am afraid that my husband is going to be deployed for 6-7 months this summer to Afghanistan. Women come up to me and say, "Oh, I could NEVER deal with my husband being gone that long. Kudos to you!"
Well, sisters, neither can I. I am not "one of those women" who can just deal with it. I am one of those wives who doesn't think she can stand her husband being gone for all of that time. It makes me sick. It makes me literally light-headed. I just keep thinking that I don't want to be alone on our first anniversary... and what if this and that.
BUT. I am going to Texas and Mexico in a few days. I will look into the brown faces of other women who deal with their own struggles, their own hardships and I will tell them:
Jesus is your rock. He will help you. God has a plan and it is perfect.
Somehow, Katy, you have to believe that too.
31 So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, 32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32
Jesus said this to those who believed in Him. These people already knew Jesus, but Jesus told them that they would be "set free."
I want to be set free. Free from a culture that tells Christians to lay low. Free from a fear that entraps my mind. Jesus may have our hearts, but Satan likes to have our minds.
I don't have all the answers. To be honest, this blog post isn't ending how I anticipated it would. I was going to end it with, "So now I am leaving on a mission trip so I can be free and leave this 'world.'"
I should be ashamed, because the work is all around me. For heaven's sake, it is in me. Yes, I will be thankful for a change in scenery and a boost of evangelism. But may I not forget that mission trips don't make us free in Christ, nor do church services or any other things. We must CHOOSE to be free. To let Jesus free us.
With that said. I am excited about serving Jesus this coming week.... and all those weeks that lay beyond. Jesus, help me type it cause I only want to say it if I mean it..... I will be excited about serving You no. matter. what.
Katy, pulling a deploment was by far the hardest thing I've ever done. 9months is a terribly long time to be without your spouse. In my case, deployment meant being wirhout my best friend, my spiritual rock, and my confidante. To top things off, I had to do pregnancy alone. Looking back now, God threw me that curveball to show me how tough I was. Spending 7 months of a 9 month deployment pregnant and alone, and then another 2 months still very much alone but raising a newborn seemed like a death sentence at the time. All deployments seem like the end of the world. All that time obsessing over whether Caleb would come home safe, whether my child would grow up with her daddy, whether I'd have to be alone forever. There was SO much worry! But deployment did something for me that I NEVER saw coming. It made me a prayer warrior. In that 9 month span I hit my knees every single day and spoke to my Abba father more than ever. It showed me how much I needed him. And although God knew how puny and miserable I was inside, his word made me a solid rock on the outside. You know what military life is like. It seems hopeless. It's next to impossible to find "Christian" friends and harder still to find Christian friends with the same beliefs. In military life Satan tries to get a foothold on a daily basis. I won't sugar coat it, if Joshua deploys, it'll try to pull you down and keep you there. But you have the faith to come out on the other side stronger than ever. It will, if nothing else, show you how strong you are. You might be 18 but you're wise beyond your years. Enjoy your time in Mexico! You have a testimony that's meant to be shared. Being a military wife is tough and it'll make you tougher than you ever thought possible. And all those calluses will help you walk through the fire!
ReplyDeleteCatherine,
ReplyDeleteI have thought about you so much the past few months. I really have. I often think, "If Catherine can do it, maybe I can!" I am still praying that somehow, someway, Josh won't have to go. It may not change things, but I can pray.
Thank you so much for the encouragement! It helps me see-though I know in the depths of my heart-that it isn't all bad. It may certainly seem like it. But it isn't. You truly are a wonderful wonderful blessing whether you even know it. I pray the Lord will give me the strength I see in you! Thank you again!!